sherlockbringthejam:

kittenskaboodles:

ianthe:

headup-billybuddy:

the-future-mrs-solo:

whatheballs:

shavingryansprivates:

i hate the phrase “life is short” because life is literally the longest thing that any of us will ever experience

unless you experience my penis

I just choked on my food.

that’s not the only thing you’ll choke on

Don’t they usually put choking hazard warnings on really small things?

ninefourseven:

ninefourseven:

Avoid ordering physical items from Amazon until July 30th!

This isn’t some petty manufacturing error

This isn’t an outbreak of something stupid like anthrax

IF you make the mistake of ordering from Amazon in the next month and a half not only will you help prototype the new drone overlords, but in addition you could be seeing one of these MONSTROSITIES arrive at your front door

HOW WILL YOU BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO YOUR KIDS, YOUR SPOUSE, YOUR MAILMAN, YOUR COUNTRY???!??

HOW??!?

NO

GOD ALMIGHTY WHY

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO